TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS AND WHY SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES IS IMPORTANT

Some us often tell others how we feel home with our families, how we miss spending time with them. But, not everyone feels home with their families. Many times, the toughest relationships that we share are with are our own family. Just because some people have blissful relationships with their parents, relatives, spouses, partners and siblings don’t mean everyone has the same environment. This lockdown has definitely made people live with someone they either love or despise. Abuse is not always just physical, but also emotional and mental. Where we can see what a physical abuse looks like, it is difficult to see through any pain that has been instilled during a mental or emotional abuse. As it is not visible, it becomes precarious, for we cannot understand what the person is going through.

In our culture we are always taught to respect our parents and elders no matter what. But, have we thought about the subtleties of these relationships? For instance, if a child is constantly mistreated for not being good enough, told that he is the ‘black sheep’ of the family, he will inevitably end up becoming either violent or will close in. But, not a lot of people, in general, will venture to understand the trauma that child must be going through. Not every child can grow beyond their trauma without getting scared and live a stable life. And it’s absolutely wrong to every time justify the actions of the caregivers as done for the good of the child, completely negating the child’s self-esteem and confidence.

For this, we need to be able to build up healthy boundaries so that it doesn’t harm our mental health. Our mind and the body must at all times be in balance so that a person keeps functioning properly. A healthy human being is one who has a balanced physical, mental and emotional status. Setting boundaries with your parents, siblings, spouses, and relatives might be hard but it should be done to not let any relationship drain our energy. Your energy must be kept intact and balanced to bring a full value to your life. So, how can we set a healthy boundary?

Tell them how you feel when they say or do something that disturbs you.

Many a times they might not understand this and instead attack you for not being the ideal child, spouse or sibling. But, it’s essential for you to convey your feelings.

Ignore those people who drain your energy.

It is difficult to ignore them if they live under the same roof, but it’s vital to cut them off from your life completely in whatever way possible (for instance, by moving out). You should not suffer the abuse and make yourself unstable.

Understand that their behavior has nothing to do with you.

It’s their own voids that they try to fill up by correcting and blaming you. And also, as Gary Vaynerchuck has pointed in his book Crush It!, misery loves company and you definitely should not participate in that chain.

It’s completely okay if you don’t value their words because valuing something negative will only suck away your own energy and life force.

Learn to agree to disagree and go about your life. If it’s not possible to get away from someone, make sure to not spend enough time with them. Instead, hang out with people who value your presence.

In the end, we must understand that we are not what people think we are but it is how we feel about ourselves. Setting healthy boundaries will bring satisfaction and will heal us in a positive way. Start doing it today because you cannot control how other people treat you but can control how you feel about them and yourself.

What do you think about setting healthy boundaries? Do let me know in the comments or in my recent instagram post.

Thanks for stopping by.

xoxo. Shilpa